Second Place
by Kagome Chronicles
Summary: (Final Act Ep. 18-Almost Kiss) Kagome goes home but finds her family left for hot springs. After a long and lonely day, Kagome falls asleep over her schoolwork only to awake with Inuyasha watching over her. As they begin an intimate conversation, Kagome is hit with a self revelation that redefines the terms of their relationship and forces Inuyasha to reflect on his feelings.
1. Chapter 1

**Second Place**

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**Summary:**

**Following the events of Episode 18 of the Final Act, Kagome went home only to find that her family had left on a trip to some hot springs without her. Feeling depressingly alone and wishing Inuyasha would come to visit, she tries to study for her entrance exams but falls asleep. When she finally wakes up, however, she feels a blanket on her shoulders and turns to see Inuyasha sitting on her bed. This fic follows the events their intimate conversation.**

**(There's also references to Episode 10 of the Final Act- Flowers Drenched in Sadness- where the Flower Prince feeds on people's sorrows).**

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**Hope you all enjoy this new take on this part of the series!**

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_I need her to be safe._ Inuyasha thought to himself, wondering if there was any way that he could make Kagome stay in this era, away from the danger posed by Magatsuhi and Naraku. But inside, he knew he couldn't keep her down. She had the same stubborn drive to finish this and defeat Naraku as he did. There was just too much fight left in her.

"Please..." She responded, "I want to stay with you." She bit her lip tentatively, a feeling of incompletion washing over her at the thought of missing the end of this mission.

"If that's what you want, then I promise I'll protect you with my life." Inuyasha reached over and gripped Kagome's hand as they sat criss cross on the floor next to her bed. Kagome had been resting her head against his shoulder, but his grasp on her caused her head to pop up to look at him, his gaze full of golden passion as it enveloped her whole existence. He was leaning in a bit, head dipped down and lips slightly parted.

_Is he... Is he going to kiss me?_ Kagome's eyes widened as she felt her heartbeat quicken, like heavy footsteps beneath her chest. _It's what I've wanted for a while... He's who I've wanted for a while. _She began to move closer as well, her eyelids suddenly feeling heavy as their lips continued to draw towards each other as though their was some magnetic energy pulling at them. Everything was there. She felt cared for, and she cared for him. She felt his passion, and she was filled with passion. She felt attractive, and she was attracted to him. It was almost perfect, the thrill edging her on.

But she couldn't. She pulled away just as their lips were to brush against each other, fighting every primal instinct she had to feel what a romance like this would have to offer.

_I... I can't help but feel like this is wrong. _The girl shot up from the floor and walked over to her desk, placing her hands on the surface and dropping her head low.

"I'm sorry, I..." She trailed off, not sure what to say.

Inuyasha felt a sting in his chest like a needle poking at his heart. _Did I misread her this bad? I thought she felt the same way... _It had felt for the longest like an unspoken truth between them, a silent romance that had built itself up into a sturdy tower that would never fall apart. But, as he looked at Kagome, her back facing him as she leaned over her desk, he suddenly felt both hurt and slightly nauseous, his stomach turning in a way that felt like a punishment for opening his heart to her. He wondered if he had just fooled himself into thinking she wanted him _like that_. It dawned on him that maybe he had imagined the tension, maybe he had made assumptions about what it meant every time she clung onto him, called to him, leaned on him. Or maybe there was something between them, but it wasn't _enough_. Maybe her feelings for him weren't strong enough for her to want to go forward. He shut his eyes, letting all the possibilities torment him as he sat in his rejection.

But it was then that he heard her voice echoing in his head, "_I'm_ _in love with Inuyasha_!" It was what she had yelled out when Kagura and the infant kidnapped her in an attempt to darken her soul. He heard had heard her right before breaking in to rescue her, not that he ever admitted it. But still, it had to mean something, right? She had confessed that she was _in love_ with him for crying out loud.

_Doesn't that mean something? Why is she pulling away from me? _He thought frantically, _Is she shy? Am I going too fast? Keh, what is it?_

The half-demon rose to his feet, taking a step towards her cautiously, "Kagome... Did I do something wrong?" He tried his best approach calmly, despite the storm of emotions roaring inside of him. All he wanted in this moment was to have her, hold her, and keep her safe and happy forever.

Kagome took a deep breath, trying to figure out what had halted her body and kept her from him. Suddenly, an image of Kikyo flashed in her mind_, _followed by the scene of her departure and the tears the hanyou had bore for her as he kissed her goodbye.

_Maybe, for so long, I've been left behind, having to watch Inuyasha run to Kikyo, knowing that his heart belonged to her. _The girl thought and began remembering every time she watched him run to his first love, _After Inuyasha was taken by Kao, the Flower Prince who showed him dreams of Kikyo, he wouldn't tell me if he truly wanted to follow her into the afterlife. And while I respect and understand his feelings for her, I don't want to wonder if he could ever love me like he loves her._ _Kikyo is supposed to be the woman he loves most in this world. _

Knowing that he was waiting behind her for an answer, Kagome slowly turned to face him. She wasn't mad. She didn't feel bitter towards the man before her, who's eyes were full of longing, full of both hope and fear. She managed to smile at him, wishing to quell his anxiety and let him know that he didn't really do anything _wrong._ She didn't want him to blame himself for loving someone else with such _passion_. Yet, despite her lips willingly turning upwards, she knew what she had to say would still hurt him.

But she had to be honest with him, "No. You didn't do anything wrong, Inuyasha. But, I just can't do this with you right now. I want to, but I..." She stepped towards him, using every ounce of strength she had not to run into his arms, "... I guess I just feel like you're just picking me because Kikyo is gone. And it's not your fault, but I want to be someone's Kikyo. I want to be someone's first choice."

"Kagome, c'mon, you gotta know that it ain't like that with you." The hanyou defended, "You gotta know how I feel about you." His brows furrowed together anxiously. He had already put his feelings out in the open. There was no point in denying them any longer.

"I know. But Inuyasha, I spent such a long time just trying to accept and be okay with the fact that she took priority in your heart. And I did." Kagome clasped her hands together, her fingers wrestling with each other as she spoke. Her smile had since faded and she mentally cursed their situation. "I can't just flip the switch and suddenly feel like I'm really the girl you'd wanna be with most."

Inuyasha didn't say anything. He wasn't sure he could force any words out. His insides felt as though they were getting tangled up in each other, intestines looping around into bows. And the pressure of his aching heart made his chest feel heavy, making standing up straight now harder than before.

"Kagome... Its not... She's not..." He quickly shook his head, "She's not here anymore. Why are you worried about her?"

Sensing his confusion, Kagime closed the distance between them, placing a hand over his chest, "She may not be here physically, but I know she's in your heart. And yeah, I might be there too, but I'm not like her. She's the one you want the most. You're choosing me because you can't have her."

Kagome glanced down and saw her backpack laying on the floor, the main flap wide open revealing a plethora of textbooks that she hadn't gotten to, yet. She eyed them, thinking of her own life and all the aspirations she continued to put on hold for the sake of defeating Naraku. She hadn't thought about her future in so long, she had forgotten she even had one beyond their final battle. This whole time, she studied and worried about school out of obligation and responsibility, because that was what good girls did at this age. But she forgot to think about what comes after the tests, what the years ahead would bring her and all of the decisions she'd have to make about what she wanted to do with her life. But she couldn't figure out when she stopped thinking about herself at all, and when she resigned herself to a life of obligation and making herself useful.

_At what point did I...make myself a resource for everyone else. Getting good grades for my family. Finding shards for Inuyasha. I've been so desperate to be useful for everyone around me, I forgot how to dream for myself. _She focused her gaze on one of the book titles that read 'The Human Mind', _That's right. Before falling into the well, I'd an interest in neuroscience. I also really liked physics. I was supposed to take advanced classes until my grades started to slip. I met Inuyasha and I realized I also liked helping people. I also liked being with him and the others but... I never thought about having to choose. Because choosing was selfish. I had to appease both worlds._

Kagome looked back at Inuyasha, who seemed paused in thought, a layer of sorrow marring his face like a scar. _But I can't keep being afraid to be selfish. There is something in me that wants to let Inuyasha kiss me, let him find happiness in me. And maybe I'd like it, too. But I'd always feel like second pick if I did. And I need to be selfish enough to decide that I deserve better even if it hurts him._

"I don't want you to think that way... Kagome. You're not second in anything. You two were always different." He did his best to reason with her, but she didnt seem to falter at his words, "Kagome. Don't you know that I'll protect you above anything else? Keh, I don't understand."

"Inuyasha, I do trust you. And I plan to see this mission through with you and stay by your side. But..." She bit her lip for a moment, "I'd always be hurting if I went further with you now. You put me on the side all those times you left with her. You can't just decide you want me now because she's no longer here. And I know you don't mean it like that, but that's just how it is."

"What, so it's too late?" The half demon huffed, hating the way it sounded as the words left his lips.

"I don't know, but I do know that I won't put myself in a position where I'm with someone who belongs to another, even if she's gone." The girl shook her head, "It'd hurt too much."

Inuyasha turned and looked at her open window, the wind pushing at the curtains softly, "Should I just go, then?"

"As much as I'd like to say no, it's probably for the best that you do." Kagome closed her eyes so she wouldn't have to watch him leave, "I'll be back in ten days after my exams. And we'll continue on with everyone."

He didn't say anything after that. She just heard his footsteps as he walked to the window, followed by the thud as his feet hit the ground outside. She didn't blame him for not saying anything. What could he say to her? She rejected him and anymore of his pleading not to would have just made things harder for the both of them. She wanted him, she really did. But she had to love herself, and that meant not being used as a last resort to happiness.

_I didn't think I'd have the strength to cut ties with whatever it is we had... I don't want to lose him. _Kagome's fists clenched at her sides, her teeth grinding against each other as she did her best not to let an overflow of tears fall from her eyes, _No. I can't be sentimental. We were never together. We could have been, but we weren't. All I did was reiterate the decision he made all that time ago. It was always clear._

But despite how simple she wanted this to be, she knew it wasn't. She knew she loved him, even if she felt like a last resort for him. Neither of those could be switched off when she wanted. That was the funny thing about human emotion. They could contradict each other, and yet coexist so strongly. It was her job to choose which emotion she could live with. Which unsatisfied desire would hurt less.

"My life, it needs to be about me, now." She whispered to herself, the sound of the front door swinging open echoing through the house. "I won't lose sight of myself again."

She heard her family announcing their arrival from below, their excited voices calling to her. Her lips opened to suck in a deep puff of air, lungs filling. The world was still and peaceful. Decidedly, Kagome turned her door, ready to go downstairs and leave her angst behind.

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**I'm not sure if I want this to be a two-shot or a three-shot. We'll see. I just always felt that, while we can speculate how Inuyasha really felt about them both, Kagome's (valid) feelings of inadequacy were never taken seriously, and any way we look at it, it's kinda unfair that she was just supposed to accept that he only pursued her after Kikyo's death. Sure, we can say it was always Kagome and Kikyo was just an obligation, but Inuyasha really never bothered to communicate any of that well. And there's many instances that show that Inuyasha did have real romantic feelings for Kikyo still.**

**While I love Inuyasha and Kagome together, I feel like their relationship will always be incomplete unless they both get closure from the love triangle. So, this is my take on it!**

**Let me know what you think! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Second Place**

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**Chapter 2**

**Thanks so much for the reviews! I'll keep them all in mind while writing! **

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**We left off after Inuyasha leans in to kiss Kagome, but is rejected on the grounds that his relationship with Kikyo has left Kagome wondering if he's capable of loving her as strongly.**

**Also, just wanna give you guys a heads up that I will not be following the exact events from the anime (Magatsuhis attack on the village upon Kagomes return will not be happening). But everything preceding episode 18 of the final act is the same. Magatsuhi sealed Kagomes powers and corrupted Kohakus jewel shard. Sesshomaru went after him and left Rin and Jaken in Kaede's village. **

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The next ten days were lifeless to Inuyasha. He thought he could finally do it, finally move forward with Kagome the way he had damn well been thinking about for such a long time. For a while, he had wondered if he could ever be with her without feeling guilty about it. But when he had leaned in to kiss her, he had felt _good. _Great, even. Hell, he'd go as far as to say he felt freaking _amazing. _That was until she moved away from him, leaving his lips hanging there. He was pretty sure he had never felt as foolish as he had at that moment. Even days later, he felt foolish.

_Keh, why am I still ruminating on this? It's been ten days. She's gonna be back soon and I'm still gonna be stuck on it. So what if she rejected me? What do I care? _He did his best to mentally play off how he felt, forcing his same old scowl to replace his pensive expression. But, his heart didn't seem to lighten up, and his body consistently felt like there was a boulder on top of it. Or maybe it was the press of gravity from a million sit commands. He snorted at that thought, realizing how ironic it was that he very much preferred to have been sat by Kagome if it meant she would accept his feelings for her. But it was clear that somewhere along the lines, he had hurt her too much.

_She's still concerned about my feelings for Kikyo... Dammit. I always thought that when Kikyo inevitably left, Kagome would be my future. I never stopped to think about the ways I was ruining a potential relationship before it even really started. I can't be surprised I guess. It ain't unlike me to ruin shit. _He rolled his eyes, wondering if he could instead wallow in self pity. It didn't seem likely though. It just wasn't his style. And the wind soon blew by him, bringing a sweet scent to his nostrils like the most delicate punch to the face. He inhaled it, knowing it meant that Kagome had returned from her exam. He would recognize the smell of her anywhere. But this time, he didn't let himself enjoy it because he knew it'd mean enjoying _her_. And he couldn't have her, so it would be pointless to torture himself. He decidedly began breathing from his mouth instead. _Keh, I just won't breathe from my nose ever again. Simple. _Though he knew it was unlikely.

The half-demon rose from his place on ground where he had spent most of his time since he last saw her. It was right at the base of a tree at the outskirts of Kaedes village, the perfect place to detect any incoming danger coming towards the village or lingering at the well. As he looked around him, he wondered if he should meet her and walk her back to the village as he did every now and then. But something told him it'd be best if he just waited and kept his distance until he could feel out what the two of them even were to each other anymore.

The wind blew softly and ruffled the leaves in the trees, their rustling acting like the background music to the hanyou's angst. His gaze continued to travel between a path to the well and a path to the village, wondering if he should be standing there awkwardly or heading somewhere a bit less weird. But where would he go? If he ran back to the village he risked running into someone, and he didn't feel like engaging in some pointless small talk. But he refused to meet her at the well and risk rejection _again _if she preferred to walk alone. It dawned on him that he could just go in a completely random direction and just head back after she met up with everyone else, but which way would he go? And what if I demon attacked and he wasn't there to protect her? He couldn't seem to settle on a decision, and his incessant thinking about all the small details of his whereabouts when she arrives took over his brain. He didn't even notice her scent closing in on him from all of his mouth breathing until a small snapping brought his attention towards the forest.

_Dammit... _He shuddered as he saw Kagome appear in the distance, stepping over small twigs on her way. He wished he had just jumped up into a tree or something, but it was too late.

They made eye contact. Even he knew that he couldn't take back the eye contact. If he ran now, she would know he was running from her, and that would just make things worse. His pride was already wounded, so running would just be the fatal blow.

"Inuyasha... Are you alone?" Kagome almost sounded hopeful that maybe someone else was around to quell their uncomfortable situation, her eyes peering around.

"I-Uh... Yeah. Everyone's in the village." He kept looking at just about everyone around him but her at this point, "Let's just get going." He turned away from her, wondering when he got so damn shy. _Why can't we just act the way we were before I screwed up? _He questioned inwardly, though he had a feeling he wouldn't know how to act normal around her if his life depended on it right now.

"Yeah. Sounds good to me." She replied, and they both made their way back to the others, nothing slipping out from their lips as they entered the village, their path being surrounded by small huts and busied people. The sound of laughter and cheerful conversation buzzed around them like bees around flowers, easing any weird silence like the soft massage over aching muscles. That's what they were, right? Tense and achey muscles that just needed to be soothed and taken care of so they could just relax. However, it didn't seem so simple to massage their tension away with time and pleasantries. And even though the lonely quiet wasn't gnawing at them any further, there were still so many kinks they knew they'd have to work out.

"Kagome, you're back!" Sango appeared down the path, Shippo right behind her, "I can assume you beat the entrance exam demon?"

"Oh, yeah!" Kagome scratched her head and put on her best smile, "That's all taken care of."

"Then you can stay for some time? Inuyasha's been really grumpy since he went to drop off the bow and arrow in your era." Shippo announced innocently, his intention just to tease the hanyou per usual, and he anticipated that he might get a hit on the head. It was customary as this point for the kid to openly tease the half-demon and then try to dodge any attacks. But as the young fox anxiously jumped into the safe arms of Kagome, he realized that he had yet to be targeted by Inuyasha.

Instead, the half-demon had wordlessly stormed off. He wasn't interested in beating on the kid, though he wished he would be. It was always easier to take his anger out on something, but the hanyou really didn't have it in him to hit anything. He just didn't feel like it would make him feel better. And it made him sick because he wasn't sure _what_ would make him feel better, besides Kagome.

"Inuyasha, may I ask where you're going?" Mirokus voice pulled the hanyou from his thoughts, and he looked over and saw him exiting Kaedes hut, "Has Kagome not yet returned?"

"Keh, she's with Sango." The silver-haired man huffed, continuing on his way.

"You didn't answer my first question. Is something the matter?" The monk could see the overwhelming anguish swimming in his friend's eyes. While Inuyasha made a habit of walking away from any domestic problems, he usually did so with rage and irritation. This time, however, while he seemed annoyed, he also just appeared _sad_.

"It ain't none of your business." Inuyasha unsurprisingly growled, crossing his arms over his chest and pressing onward in a hasty speed walk, "I'm fine."

Much to his dismay, though, the monk began following after him, bent on figuring out what could possibly have the half demon so distraught. "Something happened with Kagome, did it not? You've been rather sorrowful since you visited her era over a week ago."

"If you know so damn much, why the hell are you bugging me about it?" Once again, Inuyasha deflected, stopping and turning to give his best evil glare to the concerned fellow, but when he saw Miroku standing upright, calm and collected as he proded at him, he began to wonder if maybe he might be able to learn something from the guy. Despite acting foolish in his own romantic endeavors, Miroku had a special knack for providing a useful perspective for other people's problems. But Inuyasha wasn't sure if he could actually _talk_ about how Kagome very blatantly _rejected_ him.

"Because this isn't the time for arguments to get in the way of our goal." The raven haired man spoke cooly, "And because you are my friend are you not? Shall we talk?"

Before the hanyou knew it, he was sitting outside Kaedes hut with Miroku right there beside him. There was a pause as the monk waited for Inuyasha to begin spilling his worries to him, but it's not like Inuyasha knew how to vent very well. For such a long time, feelings were a non issue to him, something that he seldom cared about or took into consideration when he acted. Yeah, he had become more _in tune_ with them as life went on, but verbalizing his messy emotions was something akin to flying without wings to him. He just could never manage to express himself right. And honestly, he had very little clue about how much he should let on about the whole debacle anyways. He didn't feel like saying he had tried to _kiss _her. Because then that lecherous monk would know that Inuyasha wanted Kagome in more than just the innocent friend way he already had with her. And it was one thing for everyone to be aware of their feelings for each other, but he couldn't live it down if Miroku knew that Inuyasha desired to kiss the girl. The teasing would be_ endless_.

"My friend, you do know that I can only aid you in your Kagome problem if you tell me what's wrong." Miroku smirked, sensing his comrade's dilemma.

"Keh, I guess... Well..." That's when it hit the half-demon that he didn't have to tell Miroku exactly what happened. His problem lied with how to deal with his past with Kikyo in a way that makes Kagome feel just as special.

"Yes?" The monk leaned curiously.

"Keh, well nothing happened between Kagome and I if that's what you're hoping for." He lied, doing his best not to show it, "But I just... Don't know how to move on from Kikyo to Kagome. Not that I don't want to, but because I know I put Kagome through a lot when dealing with Kikyo."

"Ah, you're afraid that any romance with Kagome would be tainted with your previous rejection of her affections." Miroku nodded in understanding, "It's not the juicy gossip I was hoping for but I might know what to do."

"Keh, sorry I can't be of more amusement." Inuyasha rolled his eyes, "Wouldya just tell me how to deal with that? If not, you're wasting my damn time."

"Calm down. No reason to get aggressive." The dark-haired man assured, earning himself a hearty growl from his conversation partner, "I think Kagome would not be dramatic in worrying that she remains your second choice. You left her often to pursue Kikyo despite knowing Kagome's true feelings. Not only that, but with both of your bickering and petty insults, it's safe to say that she, at some points, was very insecure about not being seen as an equal. She is already Kikyo's reincarnation. There already lies ground for comparison in addition to being romantic rivals. I have no doubt Kagome compared herself often in looks, skills, and use."

"I know I did some stupid shit. But dammit, what can I do now?" The dog demon did his best to remain patient, though he was never one to handle criticisms well. _Ain't like I'm not getting what I deserve though... _He thought bitterly.

Miroku nodded, unphased by his friend's typical outbursts, "Kikyo was a very special woman in your life. Kagome will always respect that because she cares deeply for you. But you have to work out how you feel for both of them - even if Kikyo is gone - and how they compare. If you can't, then perhaps you should leave her be. Every girl desires closure."

"I just don't get why it matters so much. Kikyo died. She ain't coming back." he said the last part bitterly as looked down to the ground, a tinge of guilt swirling in his stomach.

"Well, would you like feeling as though the woman you loved was only with you because they couldn't be with their first choice?" The monk raised his finger, "Those feelings would be especially strong for Kagome as she witnessed your devotion to Kikyo. She already went through feeling like you chose Kikyo over her before."

That's when it struck Inuyasha like a Boulder crashing on top of him. _I... I kept thinking that it was irrelevant how I felt about Kikyo because she was never coming back. I never even thought to consider that Kagome may be hurt because_ _she thinks that I'll always wish I could be with Kikyo instead. Keh, there's no way I could imagine not being with her now, right? Dammit. Maybe I do need some time to figure this out_.

"Can I assume by your silence that perhaps you understand what she may feel?" The dark-haired man asked, smiling in contentment as he watched his friend get the _look_ on his face, the one where his eyes glaze over with thought and any tension from his jaw relaxes. It was the face of someone hit with the new perspective they've been looking for that would grant them the ability to conquer whatever issues they faced. The man was hopeful that Inuyasha may have finally gotten the wisdom necessary to work through his emotions and get the girl they all knew was meant for him.

"I... I'm gonna go make sure no demons are nearby." The hanyou abruptly huffed as he stood up and ran away. It was a lame excuse, and one that he knew the monk would no doubt see through, but he needed some time to himself to think about his own feelings alone. But as he distanced himself from his wise friend, he missed the proud smile Miroku wore, knowing all too well that Inuyasha had finally gotten the breakthrough he needed.

_Damn that monk for making sense. Now I'm gonna have to deal with his stupid smug self when I should have been able to figure this out all on my own. _Inuyasha soared through the town until he found a nice, tall tree near the outskirts to perch himself on. _Keh, but I guess it's better to have heard it from him than to have never realized what I need to do._

The hanyou found the perfect branch on the tree to relax on, one thick enough to hold his weight while also having a bundle of leaves surrounding him like a shield to keep him from being seen if anyone tried to go looking for him. He leaped up to it and say down, his back leaning against the trunk. He crossed his arms right below his chest, hands sliding up his baggy sleeves as he got comfortable.

"Alright. Guess there ain't nothing else to do than figure this out." He knew he had avoided this subject, almost as if he was scared to learn the answer of who he preferred. While he could say he cared for them in different ways, he knew it was bullshit to say he didn't prefer one over the other. At the end of the day, even if he did care for Kagome and Kikyo uniquely, the heart would always want someone just a little bit more. That's just how it was. Nothing was perfectly equal. There was always a favorite food, favorite color, favorite friend and favorite lover. Even if it was just by a little bit.

_But how do I even begin to work all that out? And why am I so nervous to find out? _Inuyasha huffed, both of the women's faces appearing in his mind. When he envisioned Kagome, he felt relaxed. Hopeful, even. And when Kikyo's pale popped up, he felt sorrowful. _Kikyo got her peace... Why do I still feel so damn sad? Is it because I love her more? _He waited for some sign to give him his answer, but all he got was silence. He didn't even know what he wanted the answer to be. It all just felt so wrong. He felt wrong for doing this, comparing the two as lovers. _But why do I feel like I'm doing something I ain't supposed to by thinking about this? I know that I owe it to myself and Kagome to work this out. Yet, I feel like this is some mortal sin or something. Dammit, why?_

And as he demanded an answer regarding his own reservations, it finally hit him. _It's not just sadness I feel... _Kikyo's face flashed over once more. _I feel guilty... Like I'm ruining her memory. _And just like that, everything started coming together. _It's guilt. It's been guilt. Guilt has been what stopped me for so long. It's why I ain't ever wanted to think about who I really want in the first place. Kikyo died because of me. She had been ready to live a life with me and instead, she lost her life. And, by thinking about the possibility that I might love someone more, it's almost like I'm slapping her in the face. Did she really die because of our relationship just for me to find out I didn't even love her as much as I was capable of?_

Inuyasha clenched his jaw, feeling like the worst person in the world. He knew that, had he been able to make a life with Kikyo, he would have been completely devoted to her happiness. And yet, it still wasn't enough to erase the sting on his conscious. And it only grew as he began reaching the end of his introspection.

_It's like there's some sense of responsibility. Because she died due to my own lack of trust, when she came back, I had a responsibility to love her above anyone else. It still feels like that. As if questioning any of this is betraying her memory. _He sighed, a weight starting to press down on him, like the sky was toppling over his body. But he resisted it, the muscles in his body tensing,_ I can't not figure this out. If I love Kikyo more than Kagome, if I wished I could be with Kikyo more than Kagome... Why do I feel so guilty?_

That's when it hit him. He knew the answer all along, but he could never say it because he didn't think he was allowed to feel this strongly about Kagome. But the guilt and the feeling of being in the wrong was all because he felt like he had an obligation to make Kikyo his first choice. And when loving Kagome felt so easy, he felt like he was a fraud. It felt like any meaning in Kikyo's death was being taken away by him. Even though she found her peace, even though he already went through so much for her, and even though he knew he would have been good to her. He still felt like a traitor.

"But if I let all that go... If I stop feeling like I owe my whole damn existence to Kikyo, what's left?" Inuyasha shut his eyes and took a deep breath.

And as he pondered that question, he realized that he finally knew what he had to do.

**Alright! So it's a three-shot. I always felt like his emotions were complex and that the show never really delved right into his feelings of obligation vs his feelings of love for Kikyo and how both could exist.**

**Because of the complexity, I hope that I was able to accurately convey my take on Inuyasha and why Kikyo was so untouchable. If not, I'll do my best to further explain it in the next chapter!**

**Review review! **


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